Current events continue to remind us the world is a scary place. But what do we do when the fears our kids have are fears we also have? What do we do when the same fears our kids are looking to us to ease are the ones that also keep us up at night? What do we do then? 

Most of us parents feel powerless by what’s happening in the world around us...and if we feel this way, imagine how our kids are feeling. But it’s important to remember that fear feeds on the unknown, and it snacks on the “what if…?” worst case scenarios we rehearse in our minds. 

So, when fear threatens to undo us all, it’s crucial we all remember to...

Name the fear. 

Defining our fear lessens its power. That doesn’t make the thing we are afraid of less scary or less devastating, but it makes us more courageous, and it allows us to see a future beyond the thing we thought would be the end of us. When we encourage our kids, in particular, to share their unpleasant feelings and those feelings are validated, it creates emotional safety. But make sure to respond to your kids’ fear in developmentally-appropriate ways—let your kids’ maturity level, temperament, and how they perceive the world serve as your guide.

Properly grieve. 

Allowing yourself and your kids to lament and be sad about a fear being realized is necessary. So is feeling anger, frustration, and even a sense of helplessness. Don’t skip ahead to give your kids and yourself a happy ending—being present for each other is one of the most helpful ways to help everyone grieve.

Limit media exposure. 

Experts are clear: the best person to deliver difficult news to kids is a trusted adult. But in the age of the 24-hour news cycle and non-stop phone notifications, our kids often hear the world’s stories before we do. Overconsumption of negative news is linked to increased anxiety for kids and adults alike. Try to keep your media consumption to a minimum for you and your family, especially before bedtimes. 

Take the next step. 

Movement matters—physically, metaphorically, symbolically. Begin the process of putting one foot in front of the other and decide what the next right step is. Try not to imagine next week or next month or next year. Instead, focus on maintaining your family’s natural routines and rhythms. Engaging in meaningful family activities enhances feelings of stability and improves family bonding, even during the toughest of times.

Help where you can. 

Take the emotion the fear has created and use it for good. Donate to disaster relief funds, give blood, call your local congressman or senator and communicate what you want to see happen legislatively, start a weekly prayer group with other parents, or volunteer somewhere.

We can’t make fear go away, but we can keep it in its place…and we can teach our kids to do the same. And while it may not make for a safer world, it will make for a world we are able to survive on the worst days, and on the best days, make it a little better for the generation behind us.