As parents, we tend to think the busier we are, the more we’re doing for our families and in particular, our kids. The harder we work, the more control we have over our lives and our schedules, right?

Parenting seems to be defined by an unrealistic pace, and we often find ourselves thinking, “If I just do one more thing…” But the “one more thing” at the end of our to-do lists never comes. Instead, we can become burned out, disappointed, and discontent.

Thankfully, there’s a remedy—breathing room. Breathing room is the space between our current pace and our limit, or the margin in our lives. With margin, we are in a much better place mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.

The reason why we find ourselves in short supply of breathing room is due to fear. These fears center around the fear of missing out, the fear of falling behind, the fear of not mattering, and the fear of disappointing other people. Every season and situation is different, however one of these fears is likely the culprit of having a lack of time and energy for the things you want to do.

So, how do we get breathing room? How do we make room for the things that truly matter? At the heart of breathing room is rest. Rest seems like an elusive, mythical creature. We know it exists, but not for us. But everything positive stems from rest, or sabbath, and we have to recharge and refuel ourselves if we’re going to be more gentle, more kind, and overall better humans and parents to our kids. To get more breathing room in your life, you have to…

Remember: A no for now doesn’t mean a no for always.
Different seasons of parenting take different amounts of energy. For new parents, adjusting to this new role—setting aside some of the things you love can be tough. Remind yourself that this season is temporary. You will have the margin to do those things again. For parents or caregivers in other seasons, parenting requires different levels of energy but the same commitment to renew and refocus on what matters most.

Prioritize what matters most to you.
Take a look at your calendar. Is it filled with things you want to do? Is the majority of your time being spent with the people who matter most? If not, start removing things that aren’t high on your priority list and replace them with the non-negotiables. 

Have conversations.
Talk to your family members and outline what is important to your family. These are the things that should have your best energy and focus.