One of parenting’s greatest conundrums is figuring out whether to spend our time on the important or the urgent. Like most of us, what’s urgent usually wins. But, maybe there are moments when you stop and think, “This isn’t how my life is supposed to look.”

And it’s true: Our lives aren’t meant to be on constant auto-pilot, with our heads down, completing task after task for the rest of our days. When we live this way for too long, we eventually look up and wonder how we lost ourselves along the way. 

What is meant for us is to grow in relationship with each other and ourselves. To be known and loved for who we are and to extend this same grace to our close friends and family. So, let’s take some time to prioritize one of the most important, enriching aspects of life: Our relationships.

Step 1: List Your Key Relationships 

List the main relationships in your life by name. Be sure to include your spouse or partner, parents, in-laws, siblings, close friends, your kids, and yourself. Yes, you!

Step 2: Assess Your Relationships

Consider your relationships overall as you ask yourself: 

• What are my favorite ways to connect with others?
• What hinders my ability to be fully present with friends and family?
• How do people generally feel about themselves when we part ways?

Then, consider each individual relationship listed and ask yourself:

• How well do we truly know each other?
• Am I the real me around this person? 
• What about this relationship energizes me?
• What about this relationship drains me?

Step 3: Make New Commitments for Your Relationships

Reflection works best when it’s followed with action. Look at your list of key relationships and consider how you answered the previous questions. Write a few ideas on how you’ll improve the relationship, whether it’s scheduling regular meetups, prioritizing friendships that energize you, or asking thoughtful follow-up questions when someone shares something important with you.

Now that your list is complete, choose one or two relationships to start investing in today. Then, make another commitment: That you’ll revisit this list once a season to see how you’re doing and what you might like to work on next.

Are you tired of balancing it all?

You want to feel like yourself again. But right now, you feel like you’ve lost your way in motherhood and you’re afraid you might not find yourself again. A Mother’s Guide To Raising Herself: What Parenting Taught Me About Life, Faith, and Myself is a gentle, friendly manual to lead you back to yourself with encouragement, thoughtful questions, and a compassionate perspective from author and mom, Sarah Bragg.